I fucking hate dating.  I hate it.  I want to be told who I end up with so I dont have to waste my time with everyone else. I HATE it.  I get all vulnerable for some person, and bammmm have to take it all back.  Fucking hate it.

And no, this is not coming from someone who just got turned down.  No, this is coming from someone with too many dates.  I know - all girls would like to be in my shoes, right?  WRONG. I want the one guy that I started out with.  I dont want the other guys.  Im not cheating on anyone, not doing anything fucking stupid.  Just, too many guys at one time decide to say HEY, YOU'RE HOT, lets date.  And me?  I'm thinking NO, I dont want to kiss you, hug you, hold you, touch you.  I'll take the free meal, but that's it.

So I have one guy, right?  Yes.  One that I could see myself in a fucking meaningful relationship.  He wants to take it slow, get to know each other as friends first. I totally get that because I FUCKING HATE DATING.  We were set up by friends and such. And NOWWWWWWWW

There's another guy that asks me out.  So, I say yes, why the hell not?  Maybe a date or two with this dude will make guy1s decision a lot easier, especially if I drop in that fact when we're out together.  I hate games - another fact about me. LOATHE, unless I'm actually in a relationship and it's just teasing.

I know, I'm SOOO fun to be around. -sarcasm-

So now, Im dreading this date.  Like, sick to my stomach dread.  And I know it's mostly in my head.  Because this guy IS nice, smart, etc, but he's not like my first guy.  Maybe guy2 and i will really click, i will SEE THE LIGHT, and my future will be paved before me.  RIGHT. I'd prefer going to work, thanks. 

Why the fuck did I say yes?  I'm sure anyone that bothers to read this will say GO WITH GUY2, HE'S OBVIOUSLY MORE INTO YOU, but I dont fucking care.  I'm very particular about my friends and boyfriends.  Not scarily so, but I certainly have my issues.  Maybe guy2 and I will be the more logical choice, considering the other is a flippin' marine.  Oh yea, probably so.  But I like having distance between me and...oh, perhaps I'll eat my words when guy1 is deployed.

My gut doesnt like this.  Not one bit.  My gut wants the friendship, then relationship. NOT friendship+relationship at the same time.  Eventually so, but not now.  Guess I've learned a lot about myself, even if neither of these men work out. *nods* Friendships > dating/one night stands (ew, will never do)/yeah. Fucking hate dating SOOO much.  It's now upsetting me.  Great.

I must be a freak to think this way, but so be it.  I CHOOSE YOU, GUY1, YOU ADORABLE FOOL.